E-MAIL TO PRISTI AND ICIS ON JULY 4, 2007
Subject: The Philosopher in MeDear girls,
I'm not gonna blabber events- only Average Minds discuss Events. I'm much more into Ideas- like Great Minds are (haha- still NOT humble, ain't I? ;p)
And the idea i'm entertaining at the moment is- how scary human beings are. Or how scary I am- depends on your perspective.
It's about changes and how adaptive we are to them. I mean- look at me. Been in Jakarta for 20 days only- yet no symptoms of what they call "homesick". I'm perfectly happy and busy- even when apparently there's nothing to do, it turns out that something can always be done. Yet it bothers my self-conscience. I should not be this "at ease". I should feel a bit lonely. I should miss my old life awfully. Things i had on a daily basis- classical tunes, mangas, internet, Pristi (yea- i did stick to her like a leech, didn't I?). Those are the things i had attachments to, and by definition, an attachment is not something you can throw out of the window very easily.
Is it natural not to miss them? Or is it just me? Coz i'm this heartless girl who cares for nothing but her own interests?
Or is it about time? How long will it take ‘till you start missing things? I mean- perhaps i'm still fascinated by the new life i'm leading- so glaringly different from the life i used to lead. Perhaps it's like finding a new toy- you're absorbed by the "newness" of it. But then you start hankering after your dear old Teddy Bear- you start re-inventing the meaning of "the good old days". The honeymoon is over and you see your spouse for what he/she really is. Perhaps the charms of Jakarta will soon wear off.
But how soon is "soon"?
Now don't get me wrong. I do miss the stuffs i mentioned previously, in a way. It's like the humming of machines you hear at the background of things, perhaps. It's there but you don't pay much heed to it. Only once in while does it surface to your consciousness and annoys you- especially when you have nothing more interesting to occupy your mind than to listen to this stupid, constant humming. Well my point is- that's exactly the case. I feel a most terrible pang when larking about Gramedia and having a look at mangas- remembering Dhika and realizing my lost blessing. But it's OK, i can't cope with it. Of course Life will be most enjoyable if have Eltira and Dhika and Realia and Pristi here with me (that's why i enticed you to apply, Sup), but then if not, well i can still cope with it.
For shallow people, it might sound like i don't love these stuffs- like i don't appreciate Pristi half her worth. But Sup, you do read that marvelous book, "The Road Less Traveled", right? The true meaning of Love is when two people feel happier and much more self-expanded to be together, yet they can still do fine living on their own. No dependency whatsoever, only mutual spiritual development. I believe that. In that respect, with all this cold-hearted "i-don't-miss-you-much" stuff, i know i do LOVE you, Sup.
I think the bottom line is that- there is a God. Yes indeed. You can't play Life just as you want it -otherwise both of you will be near me at Jakarta!- coz God give you the cards to play with. Screw the atheists- there is indeed a Divine Power Beyond. You have your cards as It give you, and you have to play them to the best of your abilities. Life's like that. Am i right, girls?
If you can't be with the ones you love, love the ones you're with.
And i'm loving them now.
****
Names:
Pristi: my best friend, living in Jogja and a “professional interviewee”
Sup: the nickname I gave her, short for “Supristi”
Icis: my best friend, currently pursuing a Master Degree in Melbourne
Manga: Japanese comic books
Gramedia: a well-known bookstore
Dhika: book/manga rental nearby my place in Jogja
Eltira: a radio station in Jogja airing classical music
Realia: Indonesian/English language center- where I used to work part-time
The Road Less Traveled: a book by Scott Peck. Also a famous phrase quoted from a poem by Robert Burns.
posted by eloque @ 4:52 AM
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