THE SOCIAL INEFFICIENCY OF SELF-SUFFICIENCY
Overheard in a bus, “I just hate self-sufficient people”.Ha! Laughingly I texted my friend Gatot, away in Borneo, for he was the first person popped into my mind when I attempted to vividly picture the epitome of self-sufficiency.
I said to him, “Somebody hated you”.
I bet he had been hated before (all brilliant, confident people had), but never solely for being self-sufficient. He found it odd. He seemed to think self-sufficiency a remarkable virtue. Pardon me, I beg to differ.
Well I have this heartfelt disregard for self-INsufficient people- folks who seem to thrive on the helps and kindness of others. But I can also relate to the uncomfortable feelings creeping and crawling inside of you, surging up a nausea either consciously or subconsciously, when being around one who seems to need nothing else in the world apart from what s/he has already possessed. It is quite irritating the way these fellas keep themselves for themselves. And intimidating.
I remember the day I went to Djoko’s room (some time during uni) with tears on the verge of trickling down my cheeks. I remember how I stared hopelessly at him- begging for help. And that day when I arrived in Melbourne (first time abroad!)- hugging Icis tight with sincere joy of knowing that I was not alone. And how Libre Tango sent a terrible pang straight to my dear heart- missing Pristi much much much.
I am not ashamed of such exuberant emotions. I think it human to be insecure from time to time; to be in dire need of company and comforts from others. Yet self-sufficient people might never feel these feelings of vulnerability.
Might, I say. Probably they just hide it deep down underneath their confident air. But then it leaves them two possibilities: either they are people less human, or perfectly masked cowards who would not reveal their true colours for fear of social inacceptance.
Both do not sound nice. While I can assure you that this Gatot bloke is indeed a very nice person. Well probably he is not that self-sufficient after all.
Whatever. On the whole, I think it fair to say that in most cases, self-sufficiency leads to social inefficiency; and that being self-sufficient is remarkable remains a remark questionable.
Note:
Written during bowling practice with office folks- scribbling it down on a REAL piece of paper with a REAL scrawny pen between my thumb and fingers- and feeling the ink conjuring REAL lines and curves and dots as I moved my hand. The sensation of REAL writing was then undermined by people shouting, “For God’s sake, Elok- stop analysing logs when we’re bowling!”.
posted by eloque @ 2:51 AM
What Say You?: 0
