THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST
The Importance of Being Earnest. Sounds familiar? It sure is. But it had nothing to do with neither Oscar Wilde nor Colin Firth when I had the phrase banging on the back of my head yesterday. It was Life teaching me a lesson: “Elok, you wicked girl, don’t deceive people!”I learned another thing as well. That when you are tired of someone, actually it is YOU whom you’re tired of.
Let me put some light to this seemingly obscure argument. I met a friend yesterday. Someone I knew months before in a brief encounter, but who seemed to grow quite fond of me and had been seeking opportunities to see me again. His eagerness was alarming. Yet romance was utterly out of question. So far as I was concerned, he just wanted to talk. And he was a good talker, too, with a witty touch here and there.
All the same, I was tired of him. Or, to put my hypothesis in use, I was tired of myself when I was with him. His presence, in a way, compelled me to be someone I wasn’t. Because he expected me to be sharp.
I don’t blame him, really. It served me just right. When we parted before, I left him under the impression that I was this smart, bright girl with attitude. Which of course I’m not –and wasn’t either. But I’m telling you, I’m pretty good at deceiving people in this sort of things. Unluckily for me, the art of deceiving requires that you live up to your bogus image ‘till the end. Hence this tribulation of “Bunburying”.
I’ll do you good by warning you that such an exercise is extremely dangerous in the way that it’s stressful and tiresome. The efforts of pretending to be smart! It put my brain to a non-stop work for hours. I must be constantly on guard while actually displaying pretty laid-back air. Few that I could call as a more industrious labour.
What obliges people to stick themselves to such calamity is, I reckon, more than the fear of unmasking. In most cases, unmasking is indeed impossible. Everyone has a stock of personae, as psychologists would gladly expound. When you deal with someone, you pick one or two personae on display; the ones that you feel most appropriate to manage his acquaintance with. It’s a self-defense mechanism you perform subconsciously.
More personae –probably all- will surface once you develop a more intimate relationship; when you think you are emotionally safe with him. I have this belief that the person you love most is always yourself. But then you come to love those who make you feel comfortable being yourself; those who make you love yourself more. Those to whom you reveal all your personae genuinely and like you anyway.
Of course you would die for them, because if you don’t you’ll hate yourself and that makes Life unbearable. When you hate yourself, it’s the end. And when you’re tired of yourself, you’re heading towards the end.
I wonder why I –and perhaps many of you, occasionally- drag myself towards the end yesterday. Why did I have to pretend that I was sharp when I was just a half-silly, half-sassy girl? Jack Worthing “Bunburyed” to escape the boredom of his country life. Algernon to run away from social obligations he detested.
Me?
The urge of being agreeable. It’s the whole truth pure and simple.
But no worries, people! Lessons learned. I decide that rather than being liked, it is more important for me to LIKE myself. Or, to the way Jack put it, “I’ve now realized for the first time in my life the vital Importance of Being Earnest.”
FYI:
“The Importance of Being Earnest” is a play by Oscar Wilde (1854-1900). It tells the stories of Jack and Algernon, both inventing fictitious people for their own advantages. The term “Bunburying” refers to the activity of making use of the bogus, whose name is Bunbury in Algernon’s case.
The classic play came to the big screen in 2002 with Colin Firth playing the cast of Jack Worthing.
posted by eloque @ 3:20 AM
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