MATRIX
The end is the beginning is the end.
Or else, the beginning is the end is the beginning.
If you would just look back, one of those odd phrases is a song title from Smashing Pumpkins. I’m not a fan of theirs, nor will i likely be anytime in the future. But still, the phrase (one of those two, that is) hangs on the back of my head every time i have an encounter with parting.
(Now, isn’t that peculiar: to encounter parting! ;p)
To be honest, i hate partings. Hate, hate, hate! I hate knowing that what (or who) i have today will not be there tomorrow. I want things to stay the way they are. But, you know what, they don’t. I suppose it’s just something in the Nature: everything changes and people part, everything’s broken and people cry, but Life goes on. What a powerful play, one might say.
Since it can’t be helped, perhaps the best we can do is to let go. To celebrate what’s coming our way, to enjoy every second of the togetherness, and to be content still when it is finally time to part. Nevertheless, such an ideal -in my humble opinion- is only possible when, and if, your heart has been paralysed.
What’s so hard about parting? It’s the memory. You keep thinking about the times you shared together, you laugh when coming across any tiny little detail that brings the reminiscence, and then you start feeling those terrible pangs in your heart, plainly realising that there’s no way the past comes back to you; you might whimper or scream like mad but still bygones will be bygones. Damn memories.
Yet, erasing your memory is out of question as well. It is beyond the beyonds. Even if in time you could employ some technology whatsoever to eradicate those of which you’d like to get rid from your memory (watch “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” for a good example), the heart might mend but it would never be the same. Being in a tumult of sad nothingness of which you can’t make head or tail is no happy prospect either.
Ouch, ouch..
Yes my friends, as you should have been able to guess, I have just encountered another parting, and it turns out to be more painful than I dare admit. And when I finally dare admit, I find myself silently moaning on the unfamiliar feeling of emptiness that obstinately lingers.
Then I remember Sari. Calm, sober, charming. Somehow she managed to always have that grace about her, and it was no exception when she said to me once: “Play the Matrix”.
I didn’t quite understand. Was it something to do with Keanu Reeves?
Yes my friends, as you should have been able to guess, I have just encountered another parting, and it turns out to be more painful than I dare admit. And when I finally dare admit, I find myself silently moaning on the unfamiliar feeling of emptiness that obstinately lingers.
Then I remember Sari. Calm, sober, charming. Somehow she managed to always have that grace about her, and it was no exception when she said to me once: “Play the Matrix”.
I didn’t quite understand. Was it something to do with Keanu Reeves?
Or else, perhaps she was tipping me off about our Engineering Maths classes? But no, Gauss-Siedel was clearly out of context. Matrix: the situation from which a person grows and develops. Matrix: a mould in which something is shaped. (Definition by Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary of English Language)
Play the matrix. Play with the situations given to you; cuddle your mould.
Laugh when you feel like laughing, cry when you need to, shout when you have to, and play when it is time, work when it is time. Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit. As the path of Life calls out to you, just do. And in everything you do, enjoy everything you have. The sun, that blue sky. The chirping birds when you wake up. Your consciousness of being, your soul, your beloved, encircling people.
Once you comprehend that nothing lasts forever, you will be appropriately grateful for even the minuscule things God grants you to be with for a while. Then you know they are not truly yours, and you have not the least right to claim ‘em. Hence you humbly and modestly accept partings and topsy-turvy things, knowing that there’s a Grand Design behind all these. If God permits, the things you love will return to you. Maybe tomorrow. Or ten years from now. Maybe never. Yet, angels must have sent you something else to keep you sound and whole.
But it’s just, as Helen Keller once said, "When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us..".
Ah. Knowing all this, all the same here I am, writing out my groan of dismay: “I HATE PARTINGS!”.
I guess I’m the long-starer. I can’t help it-, it fits me to a T..
Other inspiring quotes:
* I trust that everything happens for a reason, even when we’re not wise enough to see it (Oprah Winfrey).
* It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it (Lena Horne).
* Don’t look back. Something might be gaining on you (Satchel Paige).
* All beginnings require that you unlock a new door (Nachman of Bartslav).
* (and finally..) If you can’t be with the ones you love, love the ones you’re with.. (Anonymous).
posted by eloque @ 2:11 AM
What Say You?: 2
