TO SMILE OR NOT TO SMILE
A reason to smile this morning: I came across this amusing little poem. Listen.
The girls that are wanted are good girls
Good from the heart to the lips
Pure as the lily is white and pure
From its heart to its sweet leaf tips.
The girls that are wanted are girls with hearts
They are wanted for mothers and wives
Wanted to cradle in loving arms
The strongest and the frailest lives.
The clever, the witty, the brilliant girls
There are few who can understand
But, oh! For the wise, loving home girls
There’s a constant, steady demand.
(from “The Girls that are Wanted”. J. H. Gray, c. 1880)
So true, so true. Even the passing millennium can’t change the truth in it. But after the nodding smile, here come the questions.
Like, should I be upset about such idea? Should I be offended? In terms of gender relation, I KNOW some people (umm.. ladies, mostly) would.
The feminists.
But of course. It is their job to be infuriated by any minor violation to the concept of equality of gender. Even I can count a few reasons of their rage.
1. You cannot say “the girls that are wanted”, since it indicates that some girls are unwanted and it is bad for the dignity of women in general.
2. Plus, girls are not objects on display for men to choose from. Girls CAN also choose their men if they wish to.
3. The patronizing voice of the writer urges girls to be “good” and “pure”, and emphasises the expectation for girls to take the roles of mothers and wives. Which is deplorable. Girls should have the freedom to choose their own roles; their own ways, their own points of view, without being browbeaten by the patriarchal society.
4. The writer clearly discourages girls from taking more intellectually challenging roles. Domestic girls are stated to be preferable; they were, they are, and will always be.
Frankly, I’m bored of this never-ending battle. Say no more of “women on top”, for women are not supposed to be on top if it’s just because men used to be. I mean, it’s so childish and meaningless. Mere revenge will get you nowhere.
But then perhaps I said all that because I didn’t really know what it felt like to be oppressed, abused, subjugated. I am lucky. Lucky girls don’t usually end up being feminists.
Which reminds me of a hate-mail I received a couple of months ago. An anonymous person accused me of being a half-hearted feminist. Mind you, he/she might be right. But it depends on how you define feminism, right? Depends on whose glasses you’re wearing, and how verbose you are.
Which leads us to yet another question: What REALLY makes a feminist?
Honestly, I dunno and I don’t think I care. Jammy as I am, I do have compassion for the less fortunate girls. I’m all supports when it comes to fighting for the rights of women, for them to be treated with respect and dignity, for better niche within the society. Only I want also to cherish the right of smiling at amusing things that come my way.
Because once you get too focused, you take the fun out of everything, and the world grows bitter.
What is so hard about admitting that we live in a patriarchal world, that women are still the second gender? It might not be right thing, but it is the truth. I want to make peace with the truth. And smile at it, even whilst I’m making efforts to change it.
This morning, I learned that domestic girls were always preferable, and that perhaps I was indeed a half-hearted feminist, but the world was still indulging.
posted by eloque @ 8:59 PM
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