COME ORIGINAL
How delightful it is to be an intellectual -particularly in this country where the ignorant find the bliss in their ignorance. The intellectual step forward to grab it all: prestige, privileged social rank, job, fame, fortune. You could even make the president step down if circumstances admit.
A long and winding road? Not so fast, pal. Becoming an intellectual is a piece of cake once you get the hang of it. You would, of course, find yourself under the obligation to “prove” your intellectual capacity by some written work. Which means piles of thick books in advance, during what’s-so-called “preliminary literature study”. Rummaging the libs and reading-reading-reading.
Undoubtedly it will take a great deal of time to read all those heavy stuffs, -a great deal of boring time, you might as well say. But then you don’t really need to read them all. If you’re lucky, you don’t even have to read any. List of references, or bibliography, or anything you’d like to name it, is just a formality, as every imbecile knows. Such a trifling stuff is not to be sweated, though, for surely some fellow scholar will only be too happy to lend you a copy of his/her own list on the very subject. “Copy-paste” is the lingua franca of scholars in here, or so it seems.
But actually you have two strategies to cope with this text-book-reading business. Either you choose obscure works of reputable geniuses –that nobody would dream of arguing- and list them without reading a single word, or you read some (endure!) and mix ‘em here and there to create an even obscurer idea. There. Some irksome people might question your originality, but let them bark. The fact is every John does it and gets away with it.
It is curious to figure out that most people measure your intellectual capacity not by your originality but by the great names you claim “acquaintance” with. Or those you plagiarize. Just like that Harvard-freshman Clark in Good Will Hunting* (1997). Things would just run smooth if not for the irksome Will’s questioning Clark’s originality: “You got that from "Work in Essex County," Page 421, right? I read that, too. Do you have any thoughts of your own on the subject or were you just gonna plagiarize the whole book for me?”. And then, “.. you dropped a hundred and fifty grand on an education you coulda' picked up for a dollar fifty in late charges at the Public Library.” It was indeed an abuse that sounded so much like the truth. If you’re not careful, you will have your conscience shaken, your pride sunk.
You will rejoice, of course, when Clark smartly pointed out to that ill-bred janitor, “But I will have a degree, and you'll be serving my kids fries at a drive trough on our way to a skiing trip..” It can’t be more eloquently expressed. And –thank God- this is the world which regards diplomas too far above originality anyway. So Will and all those dumb originality-worshipper idealists can go to hell.
And when all is said and done, you may lay back, relax and enjoy the hymne sung in YOUR praise: Vivat academia/ Vivant professors/ Vivat membrum quodlibet/ Vivat membra quaelibet/ Semper sint in flore/*
Oh, and don’t forget that skiing trip, while your assistants are dutifully writing your thesis for you. It’s your turn to say, “Hey Will, how do you like them apples?”
Note:
* Good Will Hunting (1997), directed by Gus Van Sant, written and starred by Matt Damon and Ben Affleck
* “Long live the academy!/ Long live the teachers!/ Long live each male student!/ Long live each female student!/ May they always flourish!” from Gaudeamus Igitur (aka. De Brevitate Vitae -On the Shortness of Life), a song in Latin that is a popular academic commercium song in many European countries.
posted by eloque @ 9:29 PM
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